SAFE THE FUTURE

The youths they say, is a product of his environment. The home, being one of these environments, is one in which he first of all comes in contact with. Here, he learns the basic principles of life.

          The youths are right to point accusing fingers at their families or parents, elders, government and societies for their failures in life and even for all the vices they are accused of, in actual fact they all have a part in it. The greatest portion of the blame goes to the family. The family begins with the joining of a man and a woman legally in marriage.

          The youth has his own idea of marriage. The youth think that marriage is just something one runs into for convenience and comes out when its no longer convenient. It’s no longer starange hearing the youths discuss about getting out of the marriage that seems difficult. “You get out of marriage if it does not go well with you, says the youth”. To her the church marriage is binding and so should be avoided. I was so much astounded to hear this from a girl. I have heard boys say such a thing but certainly not a girl.

          Some youths rush into marriage asa way of escape from problems. Sometimes it may be as a result of lack of parental love, trouble at home in diverse forms, such as accidental pregnancies, frustration and the feelings that one’s mates are married. Some think that marriage is something that provides an escape from poverty and so the quest for a rich spouse, notwithstanding the source of the wealth. To such people, the end justifies the means. This is why a primary six certificate older can be seen married to a university graduate. He provides the financial backing which she needs while she provides the educational backing which he lacks. It means a good arrangement but once the money is gone, so will the marriage go as money is the binding factor.

          Marriage is a life long affair. It is not a contract of trials and error arrangement. It is supposed to be for better or for the worse affair. That is why people be prayerful and careful with marriage-related affairs before choosing a life partner. One should not accept person in the basis that one can make him or change him or her character trait that he or she does not like after the marriage. This change may never take place because this person is already moulded. What happens if this becomes the case? Nagging sets in. The wife may start nagging the husband or vice-versa with each finding faults in anything done by the other. This nagging can be extended to their children and relations. This may also lead to fighting and consequently divorce.

          Marriage requires patience, understanding, tolerance and the fear of God. For two people that have different family backgrounds, different type of upbringing, different social, economic and probably different religious background to come together as husband and wife is not an easy thing. This actually makes marriage a unique institution. Some couples are able to live together happily as lovers but once they formalise their relationship, it becomes a nightmare for them. A lot of adjustment has to go into marriage to make it balance. To maintain a marriage, the couple must be able to adapt to each other. It is no longer for one person to make the decision all alone. The other person has to be consulted. It is now-man affair, “The two shall no longer be two but one”. The couple truly have to think and act like one for the marriage to work. They should ignore any third party in their relationship in terms of advice, settlement of disagreement etc. The couple have to exercise patience, understanding and tolerance in each other’s shortcomings. Nobody is perfect. No two people can think and act aliken not even identical twins but with love, two people out of understanding can get to act and think almost like one.

          Misunderstanding should be settled in a mature way. There should be no grudges or high expectations of a partner by another. The husband should treat the wife like he treats himself or expects himself to be treated, like wise the wife. There should be no unneccesarry secrets. In fact, a wife and husband should be able to share their secrets so that the devil does not use any hidden secret information to attack the marriage. It is strange that some husbands or wives do not tell their spouses about their businesses or any commitments or dealings outside the family circle. This has left some spouses in a dilemma when the other spouses are dead.

          It takea a mature mind and the fear of God to make a marriage. A lot of problems aoocur in marriage. The problem are solved as they come. A marriage can be saved if these problems are dealt with whenever they rear up their ugly heads. The issue therefore is not in having problems but in solving them whenever they arise. Above all, the fear of God helpks to make a marriage to be successful.

          First, a marriage should be built with Christ as the pillars. When God is called upon to head the family, that family lasts forever. A husband and wife that have the fear of God in them, seek the face of God in all they do. In all situstion, they seek to know God’s will. They call upon God to go before them and after them. They will not hurt each other as they know God’s injunction concerning their marriage. This is why is absolutely necessary for God to be recognized in any relationship. I have truly praised God and blessed His holy name for some families that I have been to, where His presence radiates. It is most wonderful to be in such homes. Even when they do not have children or when the children are all males or all females or when they are poor, the presence and love of God radiates so powerful that you cannot help but sing hallelujah in your heart.

          To some people, marriage is a necessary evil they must go through in order to satisfy their families and the larger society. Some go through it in order to have legitimate children. I know of certain towns where brides are abducted to a man’s home for marriage. The girl may be in the market, stream or any other place before she knows what is happening, she has been taken hostage, put inside a vehicle by some men who are usually the intended bridegroom’s home where she is raped (in the case where the action is not pre-planned by the girl and the boy to save cost of marriage rites or especially in a situation where another suitor is interested). This is intended to make the girl pregnant and also break her down psychologically. She mayfind herself too used to want to leave after the weird business of fear of the pregnancy may keep her behind. The man after forcefully sleeping with her, sends a message to her parents the next day, telling them that their daughter is not missing but with him. Through this means, a smaller amount of bride price is paid on the girl than should have been paid.

         This is usually a means used by boys to avoid paying hug bride price and also marry the girl who ordinarily would not accept them into marriage. In some cases though, if the girl has big brothers, they stage a fight with the other people to rescue their sister. Some girls still find routes of escape on their own even after they have been raped and a gun shot fired to sanctify the capture of a new wife. A married woman can even be caught in the market square by an admirer knowingly or unknowingly. Even the protest by the woman that she is married may be stopped by show of wealth.

          In this community, the case of broken marriages is rampant. The marriage institution is not held sacred. The women leave their husbands when they feel like to another man. They sometimes take their children along with them and give them to the new men they ran to. This go a long way in contributing to adultery in the society.